Part 22: The Happy, Friendly Roaches and the Filth Factory (1)

Update 20a – The Happy, Friendly Roaches and the Filth Factory

Just putting this up front, this update is too long to fit into a single post for Something Awful, so I'm dividing it into two.



“This cannot possible be worse than the Spiders.”

“Ah, so you're talking, and not simply muttering mantras which involve sterilizing large sections of the continent?”

“I can do both, yes.”

“So, Happy and Friendly Cockroaches. I wonder what they're like.”

“Probably happy and friendly.”

“As opposed to friendly and happy?”

“I have a bad feeling about this. How much contact have the Spiders and the Roaches had?”





“You alright?”

“I will recover.”



“Hey there!”

“oh no.”



A huge cockroach, about five feet long, stands guard here. It watches you closely, it's antennae twitching.

“Um, hello. I'm Delilah. Spider – Chief Spider told us you were here.”

"I'm Gregor!" it says, in a cheery happy voice. It sound a lot like one of the friendly spiders. The voice is a lot more disturbing coming from a roach.



“I take it back! I take it all back!”

“So, um, what are you?”

"I'm a guard Roach!"

“A guard? But it's very hard to find you in the first place.”

Its antenna twitch excitedly. "Yeah! Any mean humans or Spiders come in here, I give 'em a big bite!"

“Wait, there are hostile giant spiders as well as bad humans?”

"Most humans and big spiders aren't neat and cute, like you. They try to eat or stab us, rather than talk and be friendly!"

“I suppose you could call us friendly.”

"You're nice! I like you!" It hops up and down happily. “Come on in!”



“I am beginning to see where you're coming from.”

“How do they jump like that?”

“Why am I the one talking to them?!?”




“I will find out who is responsible for this, and my retribution on them will shake the world. The heavens will falter, and the whole of history will be scarred with the message do not do this thing.”

“Underselling yourself?”



“Hi! Come in!”

This roach is prancing back and forth, practising bites and lunges. Sometime it jumps too hard and falls over. It stops when it sees you.

“Hello?”

"I'm Spider Slayer," it says proudly.

“That's a very descriptive name. Surely not all the spiders are bad?”

"I'm practicing to defend our hunters from mean spiders!"

"They attack sometimes when we're out hunting. We work really hard to collect our filth!"

“I'm sorry – you collect filth? Why?”

It points an antenna at the walls of trash around you. "It's tough to find good filth. Want some?" You decline. "We carried all this here, bit by bit, blob by blob. It's hard work. And all we want is to be loved!"

The strain is obvious. “No. One. Wants. To. Love. You? Can't understand why.”

"Nobody likes us. It hurts our feelings. All we want is to get along with you and take your filth."

“Yeah... look, we have places to be. Have a nice day.”

“Bye!”





“Sorry, it's these walls – they're made of refuse!”

“Yeah, setting a fire in here could be a ... bad ... idea.”

“Wow, I could hear the unnecessary emphasis on the word.”



You see a perky cockroach, waving its forelegs and antennae about and mumbling things in its high-pitched voice. It stops, embarrassed, when it sees you.

“Hello there.”

"I'm Crud Muncher!"

“Yes. Very interesting. What are you doing?”

"I'm trying to learn how to cast magic spells!" it says cheerfully.

“Magic?”

"Yeah! I want to know how to throw lots of fire! And how to magically make filth!"

“You want to learn how to make fire. In here.”

"Yeah, like those mean humans do. If I could cast spells, my babies would be safe."

“You have ... babies?”

It turns, and you see that its a she, and that she has a huge egg sac. "I'm expecting fourty or so, and I want them to grow up safe and strong!"

“Thank you for your time. Good luck with that.”

“...”

“I have discovered knowledge I never wished I knew.”

“Welcome to my world. Population: the sane.”

“But what's so special about being the same?”





“Curious. There's some sort of resin that's holding all this together.”

“I don't know if that's actually a resin.”

“It's what I choose to believe.”



The next roach is on the right, the one after is above, on the other side of the wall.

You see a giant roach, busily poking at one of the tall walls of piled trash and goo. It bounces over to you when it sees you. "I'm Doom Bringer," it says in a happy voice. It waves its antennae at you.

“Doom Bringer? Well, I think I can guess your job.”

"I'm eating. But enough about me. You're cute!"

“... cute?”

"Aren't my feeler's pretty?"

“... feelers?”

"Yeah! I work hard on them." It moves them around delicately. "Are you busy?"\

“Yes. Quite busy. Very much so.”

It sighs. "You're probably going to the Filth Factory, and won't hang around, huh?" This seems to sadden it.

“You know about the factory?”

"Yeah, Filth Spreader keeps going on about it. I forget what it was like though."

“Thank you for your information. We'll be going now.”

“I'll take the next one.”

“Please do.”

“Hey there.”

This huge cockroach stops gobbling down disgusting grayish material, and turns to speak with you.

“Oh gods you're right that's not resin.”

“Told you so.”

"I'm Filth Spreader," it says happily, poking some slime with a leg and spreading it around to emphasize the point.

“And that's what you do.”

"I'm eating, silly!"

“And what is it that you eat?”

"We smart roaches have to eat lots more if we're goin' to stay smart. That's one the neat things we figured out in the Filth Factory."

“Yes. We've heard about the Factory. What can you tell us about it?”

"Yeah, that's where most of the big roaches are born. Most of us are dumb, but some of us were born smart. We don't know why. We didn't want to get killed by humans, so we came to hide here. We remember were the factory is though, we might return someday!"

“Do you remember where it is?”

"Would you like to know where it's located? You're so nice, I know you wouldn't do anything mean there!"



“Yes. No harm at all. The location?”

"It's hidden real good. There's a wall blocking the entry that's not really there. You can walk through it! It's north of the biggest human town, and south of a small one, in the big hills. It's really neat! I hope you like it!"

“I think we will.”

“Have a nice day!”

“You too.”



“We have confirmation of the Factory's location. We should head there, verify, then return to Purgatos for his device.”

“Sure. Once we find our way out of here.”



“I don't think this is it.”




This map exists in case you can't find Filth Spreader – it also shows you where the Factory is. Roughly.



“We should go.”



“Bye!”

“Bye.”



“Ah! Fresh air!”

“Look, if you're that bad here, then this Factory promises to be just as bad, or worse.”

“No! I will not shirk my duties! You chose me for this mission, and it is one that needs to be accomplished, regardless of the personal cost!”

“Besides, the rest of us can keep you hale and whole.”

“I don't like this.”

“It is my choice. Now, let us be off!”

* * *



“Here we are again. I wonder if the guards have been replaced yet.”




“Guess not. Niarl? Matthias? Any luck?”

“Yes. Over here.”




“Good enough for me. Let's head back to Purgatos.”

Not pictured: Me walking to the far end of Bigail. Seriously, Purgatos and the Factory are as far away from each other as they can be, and still be on the same island.

* * *



“We found the Filth Factory. The device you promised us?”

“Yes, I see it clearly in your mind's eye. That is the place!” Purgatos hands you a reddish egg-shaped crystal. "It's called a Pheonix Egg, a very rare artifact. Take it to the lowest, most central level of the factory, break it, and run. Fast. And good luck to you."

“Wait. A Pheonix Egg?”

“Yes?”

“I love you. You know exactly what I was thinking.”

“Be that as it may, you still need to get in there and set it in a spot to do the most damage.”

“Yeah, yeah. Not the first place I've wrecked with one of these, and it won't be the last.”



* * *

On the way back...




“Leave it. We don't have a use for it.”

* * *



“Alright. Let's do some damage.”




“Ah, that explains the one-way filter. We entered through the passage meant to be entered, and not through the egress point for the new roaches.”




“This is not like the Slime Pit. This was a lot longer in the construction and it looks ... used.”








“And no easy way down.”



“No one I know.”



“Might as well take these door clockwise, and see where they go.”




“A place to create filth? Disgusting!”

“I agree!”

“I did magic!”



Not a threat, except they can easily give you Major Poisoning if you're not careful.



“This place has the hint of magic to it. Not a lot, but it's there.”




“On it.”



“Wonder what's in these...?”



“Not a lot.”



“Ah! And here I was, worried that we would only be fighting animate plants on our way in.”




“Curious. An observation room?”



Yes, it is. What's neat is that when I get around to Magic Mapping the place, you'll see that the middle of the first floor is in fact a scaled down version of the second floor, indicating that what we're in is a ring of locations around a much larger central facility. Guess where we need to go?



“~Stabbing Roaches all day long~ ~all day long~ ~all day long~”

“That's fun! Can I sing too?”

“Why not? It's not like we're involving stealth at any point.”



“~stabbing roaches all day long~”



“~smashing roaches all day long~”




“Did we miss chamber two?”

“Could be around the other side. We know from the observation deck that there is a ring around the central area. It could be to the south.”



“I'm improving!”

“Yes. Yes you are.”








“We'll come back here after we sweep the rest of the area. No sense in having unpleasant surprises behind us.”





“Hah! Roach got trapped on a rune. It'll starve to death.”




“What is Effluvium? Is that an element?”

“
It's a fancy word for fluids with solid pieces in them.”

“Like stew! I'm hungry.”

“No. Just. No.”



“I suppose these things are it.”



“Random junk.”



“Sure does stink though. Be glad to get out of this.”




“Another reduced access point.”



“Want to bet this is chamber number 2?”

Yes, I know what the name of the room is on the screenshot – Vogel contradicts himself shortly.



“Eeek!”

“GETITOFF!GETITOFF!”

“Calm down!”



“There has to be a magic to get rid of that stuff!”

“If there is, none of us know it.”




“I don't know. This place feels like a Number three to me.”

“You get that feeling too?”





“Where are all these slimes coming from?”

“Byproduct of the whole mess, I would assume.”




“Oh gods below and above....”




“Not going in there. At all. Ever.”




“It's FILTH! How does it need refining?”

“Maybe to add the magic to it to cause the roaches to grow?”

“... Perhaps.”

“And we're back where we started.”

“Not quite.”




“Yeah, if that thing catches fire, this whole place goes up.”

“You think the Egg will do it?”

“Oh, I know the egg will do it.”



“Someone left a book here.”



“This looks well read. Though I suppose it's because the people here were reading it while laughing, and not taking notes.”

“We're not completely done yet. There are some other side passages we haven't checked yet.”




“Reseeder? What does that mean?”



“It means there are roaches back here, rather than what's supposed to be here.”



... That didn't happen. Also, I reloaded my game, went outside and camped to restore my HP/SP before delving back in.




“Of course, most of this is quite useless. And this book is another copy of the one we found in the observation chamber.”




“This looks like one of those things that makes a whole lot of sense.”




“Leave it alone. We're not sick, and I doubt this little thing could purge the whole place.”

“I agree. The amount of magic in this would be sufficient for a small group, and not the whole island, let alone this facility.”




“Ugh, and these roaches are infected as well.”

“We'll leave them be for now.”




“Who, in their right mind, would put their living quarters behind a filth pit?”

“People who are not worried about infection, poison or harm.”



“Hey, I hear something up ahead! A hiss!”

“I hear it too – from the farthest room on the right.”



“Oh fuck me.”




Well, well! I haven't missed you at all, you vile monstrosities. With your instant death/petrification attacks, your random showing up out of nowhere... It's time to start the count again. Remember, Exile 2 had... what... twenty or so of the things just hanging around random corners of the game?



I do not miss save scumming you guys at all either.



“That was a Basilisk!”

“What was it doing here?”

“And are there more of the damned things?”

“Hold on! Let me read the sign first!”



“...”

“No, just a trap for the unwary.”

“Now that imminent death has been averted, I found something.”




“Not a lot.”

“And I recall one more spot, over near the control room with a closed door.”




“I'm making the executive decision to check out the control room first, before going into a place called 'Flow Channel'.”

“Agreed.”




“Oh come on!”

“Safety feature?”

“Or security.”

“That it's asking indicates that the control room is empty.”



“Alright, I'll go in then.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I'm very self-sufficient, and can handle most things thrown in my way. Except for locked doors.”

“Alright, but don't over extend yourself.”



“Well, things could be worse. There could be a vengeful Vahnatai demanding his due down here.”




“Almost, but not quite.”

Ghouls are not a threat to Art once she casts blessing.



“Typical defences. Who would that stop, really?”




“Curse you locked door!”

“Niarl, locked door ahead. I cleaned out the monsters, so take care of it.”

“On it.”





“Huh.”



“How did you get in here in the first place? I think I'll send Art in to deal with you.”



“Oh gee, thanks.”



“Book in the corner there, globe of something or other – I think it's a Mist Globe.”



“Potion of unknown providence. Let's go read.”



“Now hold on – are Roaches considered evil if they are merely the end result of a process? This is a moral and ethical question best talked about later.”




“Really quiet and cold back here. Almost like home.”



“Naturally. Well, let's see what's left in the Control room.”




“Useless.”




“Close the Scavenger Gates for starters. I have no idea what that's all about, but anything to limit the movement of more monsters is a good thing. And let's halt the Slime Flow while I'm at it, anything to choke back production.”



“Time to head back.”




“I know! To the flow channel!”




“Locked!”

“Not anymore!”




“Hold your breath and run!”









Safe!”




“Something we can use to get back, I think.”



“That lasted, what, two, three minutes? No way that's a long term solution.”




“Down, down down, to a place I'll burn forever.”

“Sounds like a song I once heard...”

I'm stopping the update here – the next one will be the other half of this update, and the end of the Filth Factory!